Sunday, October 16, 2016

The Unfinished

I wish I had the energy and the time to sit down and write something long and meaningful, but alas, the weekend has almost escaped me, and here I am to jot down some words as quickly as I post the too many pictures I have taken in the last few weeks, and to rush on to the next thing. That last load of laundry that needs to be put away before the week starts....though realistically I probably won't finish writing before the boys get back home and then there will be dinner and cleanup and bedtimes, and the laundry may not actually get put away.
JT came home from work and invited us all out into the world to play, but having just returned from the grocery store with the oldest and youngest, after spending the whole day doing what felt like running a marathon but never actually accomplishing anything, I was too tired to go back out into the world. So they went without me.
The Dude is at Awana with Grandma.
So right now it is just me and the littlest one. Who is still pretty quiet.
I had another ultrasound this week, this time at the perinatologist, since I am the ripe old age of 35 now.
She said the baby was beautiful. In fact, it moved so much that all of the pictures turned out pretty terrible, but it made for a pretty amazing experience in real time. He/she was lying down on its tummy sucking its thumb about half of the time, and bouncing around in a style true to its siblings. The tech said she had never seen such an active baby. The perinatologist said she had not seen one in such beautiful health in a while.
So basically, life is pretty good. I got the bloodwork done that will tell us the sex of the baby and should get the results toward the end of this week. I am so excited because it doesn't really feel real until I can start thinking of names and knowing which clothes to look at.
I love little boys. A few times this pregnancy when I have been hanging over the trash can, which has been all too frequently, I have found myself wondering in terror if this one who has made me so sick could be a girl. What would I do with a girl?? I don't know when I will ever have time to do my own hair or makeup again, how would I ever have time to teach someone else how to do it?
But of course I will be thrilled with all of it. A daughter would be very special, Being the mother of FOUR boys would be very special.
It's been a great couple of weeks. The nausea had its moments of terrible peaks, and now seems to have subsided for the most part. I am 14 weeks today. It is usually gone completely by 16 weeks. I am weaning myself off the medications which also means I am more functional as a person because the medicine I was taking was a sleeping pill.
The weather has started to cool, I found some awesome Halloween costumes at Once Upon a Child, and life is full and happy.
Don't get me wrong, I am plenty hormonal too.
Sometimes I am so tired, and it all feels like wheels spinning in the dirt and never getting anywhere. By the time I get to the weekend I am so drained and behind that Saturday morning with all its laundry and dishes and demands and JT at work all day feels so daunting that I don't know how to get out of bed.
Sometimes I just want to have something pretty. I want to have something nice. I want to have time and energy to make myself pretty every once in a while and it is never there. Today in the span of a few minutes my oldest son shattered my phone screen and my youngest pulled down the curtain rod that just got fixed by the handy man a few weeks ago.
Sometimes I really missing have 4 day weekends where I could just enjoy my kids and focus on them and our home and not think about anything else.
But I always do get up. And I don't have to look far to find so many reasons to smile. And remember to count my blessings. Like the fact that I have a job that helps pay our bills. Not only that but it is a job that allows me to spend a lot more time with my kids than most jobs do, and one that I enjoy doing.
Open House at the IHB fire department this weekend

Team work. It's a miracle. There was crying not long afterward.
We had a whirlwind weekend visit from my sister a few weekends ago. It always leaves us wanting more, but we enjoyed it so much.
Then we had a massive hurricane coming straight at our house that we were pretty sure was going to leave it in a million pieces.
But God allowed it to wobble away.
He could have not done that. I prayed that night as I went to sleep and I told Him I understood if He didn't. 800 people died in Haiti from this same storm. I don't know why they died and we didn't even lose power for more than a few hours.
All I know is that I am thankful for His mercy.
And it is good to have experiences like that once in a while because it is a reminder of what I already know.
The Lord gives, and Lord takes away. He is still worthy to be praised.
His thoughts and His ways are higher than our ways.
And all things, and all people, are to be held loosely in our hands, and enjoyed, and appreciated, because we are allowed to experience them and use them and love them today, this moment, and that may be all that we get.
And that's ok.
It's easy for me to say right now because my kids don't have cancer and my house didn't get destroyed and my husband still has a job. But what I know to be true today will be true tomorrow, when those things may well happen.
Thank You God for hearing our prayers today.
So life is trucking along. Aquaman finished his evaluation and he does not have any learning disorders other than slow processing speed, which can be worsened or contribute to ADHD and anxiety, but for now he is doing so well that I am really not worried about it.
The place that did his testing offers social skills playgroups and we are looking into those because he is a bit delayed in those areas, and it would help so much to have a safe place where he could learn appropriate skills without others judging him or criticizing him. He is such an amazing kid. I want to the whole world to see who he really is, and not the sometimes prickly side that comes out. I know they will.
He is still getting occupational therapy, which is loves, though I am not sure exactly how much it is helping, since most of it I have been doing at home most of his life anyway. Things like taking sensory breaks and practicing with utensils and shoe tying and touching and taking bites of new foods. But he loves it so much I definitely don't see any harm in it so for now we are going to keep going.
I had a conference with The Dude's teacher this past week and I just love her. She was Aquaman's Tk1 teacher and was so supportive and accepting of him as he was, and she is just as great a teacher for The Dude.

I can tell she enjoys having him, and she laughed as she described his behavior in her class, very silly, very chatty, very Dude, He confers with his best friend, Chloe, over everything, and in turn she encourages him when he is struggling to write.
Which he is really struggling to do. His teacher wants to refer him to the intervention team to see if he will qualify for speech therapy so he can also get occupational therapy which is what she really wants him to have. We work on it every night, but he has made very little progress. It is not his fine motor, it seems to be the complexity of the task that is difficult for him. It requires a lot of concentration and memory and he just doesn't seem ready for all of that yet.
My theory, right or wrong, is that this is why they do not offer occupational therapy as stand alone in schools unless the child qualifies for speech or another learning disability....there would be too many kids in OT to count because the schools now ask many kids, and especially little boys, to do work that is not developmentally appropriate for them,
Aquaman took 2 years to learn to read. He had all the basics down before he started kindergarten but he did not take off until last year when he went from 1st-6th grade level in one year. Some of that was probably the processing speed, but most of it, I think, was that he just wasn't ready.
Luckily The Dude is as happy as can be, nothing can get him down for long, and so far he has not even seemed to notice how far behind his friends he is in writing. Probably some of it also has to do with the attitude he often tried to share with Aquaman last year: "who cares if she can write better than you? I bet you can jump higher than she can!"
I love these boys.
The rice cooker died so I better get up and cook it on the stove the real way.
I will leave you with Greystoke's first haircut. He was such a trooper.
I have hardly talked about him at all in this post, and he is practically my world. He makes me smile so much every day. He is almost 2.5 and getting an attitude about some things, but he can't ever stay mad for long. He is almost fully weaned and handling it like a champ. He has been sleeping poorly since his last ear infection, but I think it was just a bad habit that I was too tired to break...we're slowly getting there.
Seriously though? He pretty much lights up everyone's world everywhere he goes...
Well I am going to go cook dinner, and maybe start the laundry.
But probably not.

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