Sunday, July 24, 2016

Things Above

I wish I could think of something eloquent to say, but my thoughts are swirled into the nonsense of sleep deprivation and the never quiet,
I am happy. So happy. Life is swirling and chaotic. As the coffee cup given to me by JT's mom likes to remind tent short of a circus.
My "me time" moments lately involve playing with my kids. Because between the laundry and the cooking and the potty training and the parenting, there isn't much free time. And every now and then I will just drop everything, pick one kid and tell them I will play whatever they want to play for 20 minutes.
With Aquaman it is always Legos. The Dude can be much more creative. Greystoke likes blocks. And books. But we read a lot of those while he is also on the potty.
We've had another chaotic couple of weeks. Another lifeguard competition. The team didn't do as well as they have in the past, but it was just as much if not more fun with JT having less responsibility and being more available to us.
The big boys spent a lot of time with Grandma,
They were all mostly pretty agreeable on the long drive down deserted highways. They enjoyed watching the cows go by.
I enjoyed the last half of the last day most...watching JT do the American Ironman while BCOR cheered him on. He is such a tireless motivator. He is such a grinder of an athlete.
He is such an amazing husband.
He is such a sweet Daddy.
The past couple of weeks he has started to text message for the first time in his life. This is a big deal, he is really not a technology guy. He has always been much too busy never sitting still.
It's absolutely ridiculous, we have been married for 9 years, but I can't describe what it feels like to suddenly be getting "I love you" texts from him while he is at work.
Greystoke is pretending to nurse on The Dude....
It makes me laugh remembering when we first started dating and even our early married days when I would write him long and eloquent notes with all the quiet time and my ever swirling thoughts. It wasn't until much later that I learned how much work it was for him to sit still and read them. Or how much work it was to write the short replies he sent.
I love him so much. He is a hunter gatherer in a world that is now designed for farmers, but he lives his life sweetly, simply, and fully. He loves us and whatever he is doing with everything that he has. And I have been thankful for that these past several weeks.
Thankful that he no longer has to work 2 jobs. That I can look forward to his coming home every night. That we can spend full days together even if they can't always be weekends. God is so good. He has provided so beautifully that most of the time, looking back over my life, over the potholes and the wrong turns and the tragedies, I can't really believe it.
It has been such a growing summer.
It has been such a relief to see Aquaman return to his normal, albeit quirky and occasionally prickly self. There are still moments. And there is still the occasional time of tip toeing.
But Aquaman minus school is the Aquaman I know. He is not depressed, he is not anxious, he does not isolate himself.
He just finished a computer coding camp and had a really amazing time. Next week he will go to our church's 3 day camp. He has attended all of their "Totally Tuesday" events and what I have come away with is that he does just fine socially when there are more adults per children to sort of maintain order, and when he can spend time with older children. His "friends" at church are the teenage chaperones. At camp, his "best friend" was an 11 year old boy. He just doesn't know how to relate large groups of same age kids, and I don't know if that is such a crippling thing or not.
But we are hopeful for a much better year. We are talking about it a lot, and he starts freaking out a little when I bring it up, but hopefully by the time we get there he will be ready. It has really been the fastest summer ever.
We have spent a lot of time in the pool. Greystoke is still obsessed with it.
He has been growing up the most, it is so hard to believe.
We started night weaning a few days ago and it was like night and day different from night weaning the other 2. No hours of screaming and tantrums. He has been up a lot, but he doesn't fight when I tell him he can't nurse until it's light outside. He gives a few half hearted "no's" and then snuggles against me and closes his eyes. I am still tired, it's still hard. But it's almost over. My baby is growing up.
Since we are tackling night weaning, we have only been half heartedly potty training, but that is going surprisingly well, too. He has told me he had to go and then pooped on the potty several times now, and pees several times per day. It's crazy how all at once they're not babies anymore.
Have your easy baby last, I highly recommend it.
At least, I am pretty sure he is the last. But we're not even going to go there right now.
The Dude will be starting Kindergarten 3 weeks from tomorrow.
With his shaved head and his developing freestyle swim and his first ever stand up surf session today he is well on his way to big kid-dom and it's crazy how that happens. Time just keeps on marching. I can feel it. I am tired. Time has a way of swirling by and leaving gray hairs with it. But it leaves also memories and beauty and growth and a story. That story is being added to every day.
It's a story that is ok with monotony, with endless housework, with a 7 year old who starts every sentence with "Mom? In minecraft...."
I want my speech to always be seasoned with salt. I want to always have a word of wisdom. But sometimes the best I can do is smile and pretend to understand or care about a house built with magma ("but why do they call it magma? It's lava, magma is inside the earth")
Some days I just keep moving, one foot in front of the other. Some days that can be really hard, especially when I decide to go do a Trinity Fitness workout with JT for the first time in months. It's funny because I am different from most people...I actually enjoy the workout. It is the after the workout part that is hard because then I am supposed to somehow take care of 3 incredibly energetic little boys for the next week when every muscle in my body hurts.
But I did it. And since it didn't kill me, I guess I must be stronger, though to be honest, I just feel older.
We are soaking up the last of the summer. We ordered all the school supplies online so I don't have to deal with more shopping than we already have to do with 3 boys, 2 of whom learn everything with their hands, which makes shopping an adventure.
One again, I would recommend to have your visual learner last. It's a big sigh of relief.
We have many more trips to the pool on tap.
More surf sessions.
Aquaman and JT went surfing earlier this week and Aquaman had a close call.
A couple of times a week he sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night when he wakes up. He always goes at the foot of the bed on JT's side because he knows JT will let him stay, but there's just no room. As I carried him back to his bed that night, remembering how he could have been swept out to sea,I was overcome with gratitude.
We have a Good, Good Father who provides for us and protects us. He has rescued us from so many disasters that we have no idea about. He has rescued me from my fear and anxiety. He has taken so many burdens from me, gently, lovingly. There are many to come. The school year is coming, and I find myself drowning in the Word trying to prepare.
But He has Good plans for us. He has provided for us, and He will provide for us, even if things don't look like what we think they should.

"if you could only see." I keep remembering the day that God told me that, as I lay in tears of uncertainty about the future. If you could just see what I see.
Someday we will.
So I am trying hard to walk by faith and not by sight.

To set my mind on things above, and not on earthly things.
To watch what beautiful things He is going to do.

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