Friday, March 6, 2015

Dreaming

It's been an eventful couple of weeks.

We all recovered from the flu, though all of the kids ended up on antibiotics by the end. 

Aunt K and Uncle B came to visit.

The Dude had a 4 year old birthday. 

Greystoke turned 10 months. 

JT and I made it to the spa.

Cousin Rebecca moved to Florida. 

The weather got cold and rainy, and then it got warmer. The promise of spring arrived. 

And Aquaman came home from school sick again. This time with strep. Which is much better than the flu. It was more miserable for exactly two days and one night. And then it was over. He's home from school again today to keep from infecting anyone else, but the fever is gone, the sore throat is much better. He still doesn't feel like eating much. 

Now we wait to see if anyone else will catch it.

It's been a nice couple of days with Aquaman. He's sat nicely and done his homework, read me books, and let me take a nap with Greystoke yesterday (since he kept me up most of the night the night before last delirious with 103.8 fever that wouldn't break, and feeling like he was going to throw up). 

Aquaman is growing up. He's taller, but still just as skinny.

 He still won't eat a bite of meat. His handwriting is getting neater, with much less reversals, and I'm looking forward to seeing what level he is reading on with his coming report card, because he has improved a lot these past couple of months. 
He did great at The Dude's birthday party, while I was certain there would be a melt down or two, he held it together quite nicely.

He still pushes the boundaries as often as he can. He still struggles with anger on occasion.
He loves Legos, though only Legos with wheels. He's a boy. I love him to pieces.

We haven't had as much time to spend together in God's word lately, but I'm hoping over the summer to find time to do some one on one discipleship with him. He was very excited about it when I mentioned it. I still remember the few minutes of special time I had with our pastor once a week after I accepted Jesus into my heart at age 6. 

Yesterday Noni and Papa picked up The Dude from school and took him fishing and playgrounding, so I had all day with just my biggest boy and my littlest boy.

I have been so grateful for family these past couple of months. I've heard before that "it takes a village to raise a child". I never entirely agreed with this statement until Greystoke was born. Not that you can't do it on your own, with God's help, we certainly could. But I know that wasn't God's intention. And what an amazing gift not to have to. It is a gift to my children, to get special attention from their grandparents. To have Godly examples outside of their own nuclear family. And on top of that, to get more individualized attention at home, while their siblings are being loved by others. It is also a gift to me, because while I love the wild and crazy times we all have together, I also so enjoy getting to know each of my children individually. 


Aunt K and Uncle B's visit seemed so quick as usual. We were so happy to have them here to celebrate The Dude's birthday. 

I really can't believe that he is 4 years old already. It seems that I was just holding him in my arms the afternoon that he was born. It seems like he was just learning to walk, holding my hands and demanding that I walk him around and around in circles.
Wasn't I just weaning him at night, teaching him to sleep on his own?
Yes, I guess he's still up at least once a night, coughing and needing his inhaler, or just needing to be tucked back into bed. But he falls back to sleep quickly now. No more long middle of the night stroller rides. He falls asleep in his own bed. No more vigorous cuddling.

The first thing he did when he woke up on his 4 year old birthday was ask me to measure him. He was just sure he was bigger.

He is precious.

He's still throwing fits, but maybe not quite as many. He's still winding up to hit me, but actually follows through much less. He can still hardly sit still...ever.

 He loves music, and wants to be a guitar player when he grows up. He can't keep pants on, because he has no butt at all. The only ones he can wear are the pair of girl skinny jeans he owns. They don't have any pink on them. With his curls and those jeans, he looks like the guitar player he wants to be. 

Even though he's really quite ornery, he's a giver. He's sweet. He's cuddly. He loves his mommy. And his Daddy. He's proud of his Aquaman. He likes to steal things from his Greystoke's hands, but he's always very remorseful when he accidentally knocks him down.
He's socially adept. He's naturally apologetic. He's gorgeous. 

And he's mine for a few more years.

Greystoke turned 10 months earlier this week. Unlike his brothers, who were on their feet by this age, he lifts his legs up high when you set him down. He likes to move, in his own little one foot and one knee on the floor way, He loves to be surrounded by toys, and he is definitely surrounded by a lot of them now that The Dude just had a birthday party. 

He had 3 major ear infections since December, and a minor one that started last week. I opted for no antibiotics on the last one since he's had way too many of them lately, but now I watch him all day wondering if he's in pain because he just doesn't tell me.

He's been more clingy. He's been much more sensitive. He's still quite naturally content, never loud and demanding. But he's grown more serious and subdued.


Wiser to the ways of this sometimes hard world I suppose. In some ways, it's hard to see him mature in such a way. I wish he didn't have to know.

But he's still a cuddly sunshine. Still so much my little baby.

He sleeps stretched out on his tummy, with his crib rail off and as a side car to our bed. I watch him breathe sometimes in the middle of the night. A couple of times a night, he wakes up, and I roll him close to me,and I don't resent it at all.
Greystoke is starting to imitate more. He gives "fives". He waves hello and goodbye, when he feels like it. He tries to put on shirts, socks, and baby carriers.

I've heard the occasional word: "ball" when he was playing ball, his favorite game...chasing it all over the house. "hi" as we waves at everyone we pass on our visits to assisted living, or the store.



JT and I made it to the spa last Wednesday, and it was just as amazing as we had imagined it. We individually each had the best massages we had ever had. As I lay there being massaged, I spent the time thinking about my dreams for the future. 

The day before, I heard about a full time job that was posted, something I have long been interested in for the future. I found myself looking into it, thinking about it. 

I found myself thinking about my dreams. What I want to accomplish with my life.

The crazy thing is, the only thing I could come up with? To help JT and our 3 boys accomplish their dreams.

 I lay there wondering if this was a cop out. I searched my heart, and prayed that God would search my heart to see if this was just me taking the easy way out. 

I found only peace.

A couple of years ago, I had sort of an identity crisis. I remember it well. The Dude had turned 2 and I was feeling a little less tied down by small children, and starting to wonder who I was again. Who was I? I went through a lot of soul searching at that time. I felt very frustrated. I looked at the possibility of going back to work more, taking a different job.

And then, God told me to stop the birth control. And then God gave us baby Greystoke.

And God also gave me peace. 

I wondered to myself on that massage table if I would someday resent having given all of myself, and all of my life to help others reach their fullest potential, but I could find none of that uncertainty in my prayers.

On the contrary, I can think of no better way for me to live my life. 

Sure, God has called me to other things, and I will live and serve in them faithfully.And I will never stop looking for Him in the everyday, because I loved the quote our pastor said a few weeks ago, by Francis Chan: "stop making a list of priorities. There should only be One on your list. God."

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness", and everything else will fall into place.

JT and I spent 30 minutes in the hydrotherapy tub after our massages. We talked about dreams. 

We realized we were living them.


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