Saturday, August 30, 2014


The summer, which despite the start of school will continue to linger for another couple of months, waxes hot- stifling in fact- and full of pool and ocean glory.

This is Aquaman's birthday weekend. His cousin A and Uncle J are visiting from Indiana to celebrate it. Last night the older 2 boys had a sleepover at Gramma's house and today we went to Chuck E Cheese, aka the Kiddie Casino. Aside from the usual drama, everyone had a good time.

Right now I am sipping hot chai tea, because for some reason I wanted it, while Greystoke takes a nap and the other 2, mercilessly, play trains without any major blowups.
I've had a headache for more than 24 hours now, I can't decide if it's dehydration, a weird sleep position, or allergies. Probably all of them. My throat is scratchy, and I've been itchy for a while. It's hot. I sleep in funny positions due to occasionally falling back asleep while holding Greystoke.

Somehow the tea seems to help.

This was Aquaman's first full week of school, and I really think it went well. The crying and anxiety have lessened to only complaining. He know the names of a few of the other children at school, and they know his, which is a start. He brought cupcakes to school on Friday and got to wear a birthday crown. His teacher made him feel special.

Teachers are special that way.

Greystoke had his first go-round to work, visiting clients in assisted living with me this Wednesday. He was a trooper, and a joy bringer. One woman told me "I look for something beautiful every day, and he is it today."

Another man said "I haven't seen one of these in a loong time." And thanked me for letting him talk to him.

Greystoke graced them all with his trademark wide mouthed grin.

I'm reading 1 Corinthians and Isaiah right now.
Although in 2 weeks I'll be returning to Leviticus for a Bible study I'll be joining. I'll be reading Leviticus twice in one year. I'm not sure what I'm thinking

But for now I am basking in some of my favorite books. Today, I read 2 of my favorite chapters. First, Isaiah 40:

"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall. But the word of the Lord stands forever."

I don't know why I love to read words like these. Maybe it's because I can always sense the delicacy of life, the constant temporary-ness (I know that's not a word, but I like it anyway). Maybe it's because I love the grass. I love the flowers. I feel most fully alive when I am outside in it, in the vastness and broadness of nature.

Mostly it's because there's such comfort in the knowledge that SOMETHING lasts forever. The beautiful things here in life so quickly fade, and I grasp at them, and there's something new to take their place. But I love to know that there is one beauty no finger of time can destroy.
The word of the Lord stands forever.

"He will not grow tired and weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength . They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I'm here in the prime of my life, and I'm relishing it, and enjoying it, and so far 3 kids is not as hard as I thought it would be (mainly because of baby jackpot). I'm mostly sleeping, though he's been having a growth spurt or a sleep regression so not quite as well as before. I'm only working 2 full days a week, and squeezing the rest of my work into about 6 hours in which I don't have to arrange childcare, which is awesome.
JT's competition season is over, and he's managed to get a few days off while his brother is here,

But still, I'm pretty tired.
And thinking about soaring on wings, well that sounds pretty good. It sounds like a ride at the fair, where you leave the rest of your life on the ground. Where you're weightless. And the wind's in your face.
Or like really fun surf, which I can barely remember.

But something that makes you feel young and free of responsibility.
Because while it's true that 3 kids and a husband and a job is a lot of responsibility-
It's not really my responsibility at all.
And I relish those eagles' wings.

"Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
1 Corinthians 15:58

There's soaring, and there's solid footing. On literal sand and figurative rock.
It's not being moved.
You can give yourself fully in your labor, and you can do it without any of the weight.
You can stand firm and still feel like you're flying. Weightless.

We're not permanent, and nothing here is. The oceans will get polluted, and the trees on the mountains will be ravaged with fire, and people we love will get sick and even die, and life here will march on with seemingly not a care to our desperate attempts to elude it.

But the word of the Lord will stand. Immovable and freeing.

It's the deepest need I have. Of intimate permanence. Of carefree depth and meaning.

Somehow, just writing this, just dwelling on it for a few more moments, and my headache has faded to the background. I've broken up a total of 6 arguments since I started, and finished my cup of tea,
Sweet little Greystoke is still sleeping. I just did a breath check, because sometimes I can't believe it. A couple of times a day I tear up at his sweet whole-body smile. What a gift.

There's a whole bucket of play-tools on the floor.

And I'm flying.

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