-Ursula K Leguin
The morning is quiet as the sun pinks the sky outside my window.
The most accurate description of parenting young children I've heard.
Greystoke is still Baby Jackpot. He still rarely cries. Every week his night sleep duration average shifts upward...it's at about 8 hours now.
Sometimes one of the other 2 is up at night, but only a short while. A nightmare, a wet bed, cold feet to snuggle me with.
Because my mind has been on the journey a lot lately. Though some days it seems like the only destination I can aim for is bedtime.
And the real value in all of it isn't the end destination. It's the journey to get there.
Some days, it's bedtime, those are the short term goals.
But men with hearts who are like God's heart.
Not the homeschooling type. I'm not terribly into rote memorization of bible verses, especially given my oldest son's personality that is so resistant to performing. It feels empty.
We don't have to have all these complicated methods and schedules and routines, all we have to have is Christ in us.
`````````````````````````But you can walk together. And they will watch you walk.
You can love, and seek after Him and they will watch you seek.
Of course some days that is terrifying, because we all miss the mark. We all go in the wrong directions, and get our eyes off course.
But when Aquaman comes running into my room in the middle of the night, he won't even tell me what his bad dream was, he just says: "we need to PRAY", as he clutches his hands in mine. And then I know. That this isn't just a rote passage of bedtime ritual. This is dependence.
Because he sees our dependence.
When he sits at my feet and asks about the chapters I am reading in my bible, and I don't find myself afraid that I won't explain it right. I just take a deep breath, whisper a prayer, and tell him about my Father. My Savior. The one my heart loves most.
The sun is higher now. Aquaman has climbed into bed with JT for a few minutes of snuggles. I just checked on The Dude- he's hanging half off his mattress that is on the floor. Greystoke, true to form, hasn't moved an inch. But any minute now he'll be up to eat.
Our journey into this new day will begin soon. It will be long and hot, filled with teachable moments and failures. When I need a moment of encouragement, I'm going to look to the end.
To a quiet house again as I fall into bed.
To watching my sons venture out into the world, knowing I missed the mark so many times, but that in the end I took my hands off and placed them in the hands of One endlessly capable.