Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Valley

It's 2 am, I am 38.5 weeks pregnant, and I wish I was sleeping.
I wish I was awake because of contractions, or an aching back, or restless legs, or pregnancy insomnia.
But I'm not awake for any of those reasons.
"Barney at the Beach" is playing. Both boys are awake.
One whimpered as he falling asleep that "his tummy hurt" but I didn't think much of it. After all, I had just taken him on a mommy/son date to Moo's for ice cream and he ate quite a big ice cream cone.

The other came and got me 2 hours ago saying that his tummy hurt. Which definitely set off some warning bells, but he fell right back asleep so I hoped it was just a fluke.
Until an hour ago when he woke up in a bed full of vomit.
The other one sat up and immediately said his tummy hurt too. So far he hasn't actually gotten sick yet, but considering that his tummy is much more full than the other one's, I get the feeling it is only a matter of time.
I threw away the sheet. I just couldn't imagine trying to clean it right now. The bleach has been out all over the floors, but really it feels pretty pointless. When a 3 year old is sick, it is impossible to contain it.
My one consolation is that they seem to have gotten it at the same time, so at least when it hits me they'll both be past it.

We've so been looking forward to Easter weekend, especially Aquaman, so to say that this is a disappointing culmination of it is a bit of an understatement. But alas, here we are.
The beautiful thing is that 3 days from now, it will have cycled through the family and hopefully we'll have gotten it over with for the year.
Well, it's official the other one has begun. We've moved on to "Barney and the Fire House". It's going to be a long night.
Up until 2 days ago, this pregnancy was going very quickly. I couldn't believe baby E was almost here already.Then suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been so tired. Despite the fact that I remain pretty small, and my weight gain has been pretty low, I feel huge.
JT has been amazing, as he has been this entire pregnancy. Whisking the boys off to the pool or playing with them downstairs during the times when I couldn't imagine doing anything other than laying down.

I've been fortunate in that I've never gotten any swelling at the end of pregnancy, or many of the other common discomforts. Pregnancy is relatively easy for me.
There have been a lot of milestones I wanted to get through before the baby came.
We got through the lifeguard competition team kickoff BBQ and had a great time.
My monthly clinics were last week at work, so I can check those off of my list.

Wednesday was my baby shower at work. It was very sweet and fun.
The boys love the cake made just for them.
Cosette not only survived getting hit by a car (she broke her leash to bark at the neighbor dog and ran in front of a car), she did not sustain anything more than a little road rash. She did, however, enjoy being allowed on the couch for a few days. This is how I found her the morning after it happened.
The skies have been overcast and cooler than usual for the season, and we've enjoyed some windy days at the beach. I've been trying to fit it all in, but I'm worn out from it.
At this week's appointment, baby E was far from engaged, and there were no more cervical changes. My uterus, which was so irritable prematurely seems to have completely settled down.
Unless he comes tumbling out as a result of dehydration in about 36 hours, he doesn't seem like he has any intention of coming soon.
For now, it's just the waiting game. Filling up these last hours with good memories, even stomach virus memories.
Barney all-nighters together in the living room.
Remembering that the "suffering" of this world is so temporary. And the joys and comforts of it can't be trusted.
That the "joy of the Lord is our strength".
During labor with The Dude I recited the 23rd Psalm to myself during each contraction.
I've been going back to meditate on it lately as I prepare for labor #3.
And maybe it's been preparation for more than labor. Maybe it's been for these next few days as we struggle through illness and the end of the pregnancy, and the changes of a newborn.
One thing I do remember distinctly: as I recited these words to myself slowly through each contraction, I always got past the "walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and fearing no evil." But it wasn't until the moment I held him in my arms that I got to one of the last verses: "you anoint my head with oil. My cup runs over."
The anointing always follows the valley. I truly believe that.
So here we go.

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