17 weeks, and I have fully entered the glory days of the 2nd trimester.
Forget fall leaves. I love the pictures from far away. I wouldn't mind one jump in a freshly raked pile of them, or to see watch the first snowflakes of the season fall.
But I'm happier in the upper 70s, with the wind blowing and kicking up the surf. It's during this time of year, that I look out over the ocean and the strength and power and awesomeness of God really becomes clear to me.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. There, we will not fear though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake with its swelling pride."
Psalm 46: 2-3
In life there is so much pain. It accentuates that there is also so much beauty. All those things I feel more deeply now that I have left the dull numbness of the struggling through the first trimester.
Two weekends ago we stayed with JT's parents at the Floridays Resort for 2 nights, and met his brother and family at the Magic Kingdom.
The perfect age for Disney. And even The Dude was a pretty good sport.The most fun was seeing the cousins together. Cousin Au calls Aquaman and The Dude "my boys". Cousin Ad was a great sport with all those crazy guys.
At the resort, we splashed in the pool and watched a movie on the big screen.
The Dude helped JT with the luggage.
The Dude's favorite part of Magic Kingdom? Cindarella. This was his time to shine. He was in complete awe of her.
My favorite part? Dropping everything and just being for a little while.
The gagging was mostly over, and even the twirling of the teacups wasn't enough to put me over the edge.
Being that I am now in 2nd trimester which tends to me my emotional one, I cried a lot.
I thanked God a lot. For my husband who said, while listening, that it made him feel like he was wrong, too much like a girl.
He is so sensitive and sweet and loving and affectionate. I forget that most males are not made that way sometimes.
It also made me realize that it is something that Aquaman will be blessed with as well. He struggles often now, with his sensitive spirit. Often he cannot play with the boys at school because "they all want to play bad guy games, and I don't like those." But "when I play with the girls, everyone laughs at me."
He drew hearts on the inside of his toy box, and calls it a love box. He draws hearts on everything. He gives hugs freely.
He is no less masculine than the boys who play star wars and spiderman. He is no better and no worse. He is just himself. I have watched him recently struggle with it, and have admired the conclusions he has seemingly fluidly come to: he does not jump to the conclusion that he is somehow wrong or they are somehow wrong. He just silently and respectfully observes that they are different.
Though I hurt for the pains he will feel more deeply than others, I look forward to seeing the beauty it will bring to all of his relationships some day.
My favorite part though was the end, when the speaker talked about heaven. I forget so often. My heart gets weighed down with the details of the day to day dirt on the floor, and I forget to look up.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed in us all."
"the gasp" he called it. That magical moment on Christmas morning...x100.
What a thing to look forward to. What a way to bring perspective to this life.
Then on Sunday, we cashed in the free Sea World tickets, complete with free parking that a friend of JT's who worked there gave us recently.
The nets were a favorite. I pawned Aquaman off on JT thinking he'd want to do it all and I could stay low with The Dude. No such luck. I was a huffing and puffing 15 week fat Mama on The Dude's heels.
I had a blast.
I teared up during the Shamu show.Wow.
But seriously, those whales are pretty amazing.
And to top off this amazing couple of weeks, I got my big ultrasound scheduled. I can't believe we're there already! 12/3/13 we will see this little baby of ours on the big screen. Hopefully it will cooperate, unlike *ahem* another little guy I know at 19 weeks.
What's funny is, this is the first time that I haven't been dying to know the gender.
I mean, trust me, I definetely want to know, but usually these weeks leading up to it go agonizingly slow.
This time, I have somewhat enjoyed the suspense.
With the other 2 I wanted boys. With this one, I really feel open. A girl would be exciting and different.
A boy would add another amazing hodge podge of perfectly synchronized personality to the wild mix. He'd give a friend to The Dude when Aquaman gets too cool for him.
And plus, sometimes I look at little 2 year old Dude, and wonder, wouldn't it be sad to never have another 2 year old boy.
I don't even say "I just want a healthy child."
I say this with fear and trembling, because I had a dream the other day about a baby on an ultrasound with 3 eyes, but I don't just want a healthy child either. I want whatever child God has determined to be the best fit for our family.
We will see a glimpse of this child in just a couple weeks.
We have decided to cut back on my extra work because it just wasn't working out. We need days off together as a family, not one or the other of us always working. JT needs the energy to do well at his job, and to pursue other directions.
And honestly, the extra money doesn't make much difference when everyone is stressed out. You end up spending it in places you can barely track down because you have no time or mental energy.
I am relieved despite the constant wonder about how it is going to all fit together and work out. I am grateful to have a husband who is motivated and loves his career, and wants to further it, and I am happy to support it.
My jobs, though I love what I do, are only jobs to me.
My heart is here at home.