A week ago yesterday, we celebrated JT's birthday. He was very confused, being that his birthday is April 20th.
As he opened his present, he kept looking at me funny: "is it my HALF birthday?" he asked, confused. I am quite sure that he thought I had made a terrible terrible mistake and forgotten what month he was actually born. I almost felt a tinge embarrassed.
Rewind to Wednesday morning. Driving to work and realizing that I was one day late.
The day before I brought a bottle of Ibuprofen to work, expecting a sudden arrival at any moment. I was cramping all day. But nothing happened.
About an hour later, I was sitting in a work meeting when the subject of our ear suction machine came up. Since I used to run the ENT clinic, I felt obliged to share the story of the last time I had cleaned out the said machine.
I almost vomited at my own description.
After that, it was hard to concentrate on the meeting.
Instead I concentrated on holding my pee so that I could take an early lunch break.
Like any good 3rd pregnancy, I found out in the Wal-mart bathroom.
There was no 2 minute or 30 second wait.
There weren't any tears.
I didn't feel the need to take another one.
I just pocketed the thing and set out to buy some $0.99 birthday supplies.
And something babyish to make it all seem a little more real.
It's not exactly JT's birthday week, but close enough.
This baby and The Dude will be 37 months apart.
It is not what I had planned. Not what we had planned.
And it is exactly the perfect time.
I can't begin to describe the way that hope has invaded my heart since that morning in the Wal-Mart bathroom stall.
It has been a hard year. There have been many adjustments and difficulties and disappointments. Perhaps this is the biggest change yet, but it is not a difficulty, and it is definitely not a disappointment.
There is something about new life that brings hope.
With my first two pregnancies, the first few weeks were hard. I cried a lot. I wondered if it was the right time. I worried about what would happen.
Those pregnancies were more or less planned by us, or at least expected.
This little unplanned and unexpected surprise has left me with only smiles. Because I know that, in fact, he was not unplanned at all.
Just 2 short months ago, struggling with emotional and physical side effects of the pill, and also the with the anxiety of not being on it, I prayed: "God, what do YOU want me to do?" I knew it was not working out for me, but given how many things we have on our plate right now, it just didn't seem worth the risk to stop taking it.
I distinctly heard Him say: "it's about time you asked Me. Stop taking it."
Now I know why.
I know that this baby will be every bit the blessing that the other two have been. And that this is yet another amazing opportunity to see how God will provide for our family if we put our trust in Him and not in the strength of our own hands.
In the next few days, our baby, the McVicker grand finale, will have a heart beat.
His (I just can't say "it", and his is the most familiar to me) spinal cord is coming together.
And our family is becoming complete.
Morning sickness hit yesterday. I wasn't afraid of it.
Every little twinge, every ache, every wave of nausea or disgust at the normal, usually unnoticeable smell of my own wonderful husband's skin, thrills me.
I feel like I am tucking it away somewhere deep inside of me.
The feeling of new life growing inside of me. The way my sweet onion chicken teryaki sub tastes almost unbearably delicious.
Because, most likely, I will never be 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant again.
It's been another week of rapid changes. Last Wednesday we found out we were expecting, and tomorrow, Aquaman will be starting kindergarten almost 2 weeks late.
Once again, the best laid plans have disintegrated.
Better ones have formed.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.....
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers myrtle will grow."