Friday, November 30, 2012

Last Day of November

It's the last day of November, and I'm grateful. The Christmas season is coming just in time for me. I know a lot of people get crazy busy at Christmas season, but for me it is an opportunity to slow life down a little bit, to stop and reflect and to enjoy. To go back to child-like wonder.

I need that right now.

 For about 3 weeks the Dude was fully night weaned, culminating in a night in which he slept 6 hours in a row IN the crib. And then everything disintegrated. He began to wake hourly and took hours to console. His separation anxiety suddenly tripled, and he began crying hysterically whenever he couldn't see me even during the day. The night weaning wasn't working for anyone. No one was sleeping and everyone was miserable.

So now we're back to all night snuggles. He wakes immediately if I try to transfer him to the crib at any point during the night.

I don't resent it. Not really. Everyone does things in their own time. And it's not his fault that he needs more of me than I want him to need. And I am certainly grateful to feel so connected to my child. Especially because he is turning out to be every bit as intense as his big brother.

Actually, probably even more like his high energy father than my firstborn. If he is not clinging to me like a baby monkey and crying he is looking for whatever near-death experience he can find in the 30 seconds that I turn my back.

Without those all night snuggles and those frequent moments of reconnection during the day he would probably make me absolutely crazy.

I read once that the definition of a "high-need" child was that they need more of everything except sleep. This definitely defines my kids. I wouldn't trade them. At this moment. But some moments during the day...

Anyway, my hormones are all out of whack from attempted weaning gone wrong. I haven't had PMS in 30 months. Not sure if that is what I'm experiencing right now, but I am exhausted. I'm a little sad, and feeling slow.

I've been on a great big *doing* kick for a while now, never feeling like enough. Everyone seems to have so many needs, and there is not enough of me to go around. I've been reminded lately that I have needs too.

I'm a little lonely. But other than my family and co-workers, not much time for friends. I tried a women's bible study, but came home to basically everyone crying. Night time is not a good time for a mommy to be gone, at least in my house. Don't think JT will be brave enough to try that again for a while.

So this Christmas season is going to be about getting back to relationship with the One who can meet all of those needs. Emotionally, physically, mentally, relationally. I'm going to slow down, recharge, and let myself be taken care of by that baby-turned-Savior.

And we've got some fun activities planned too.

Yesterday we visited two different libraries (disturbing everyone's peace since Judah screamed, threw toys, and climbed on things through most of the visit) and collected a total of 22 Christmas books and then wrapped them up. We're going to open one each morning in December leading up to Christmas, and inside each one is a strip of paper naming a fun Christmas-related activity we will do that day.

Aquaman and The Dude helped wrap the books so they're nothing Pinterest worthy. This is why I have children though, because my own wrapping would never be Pinterest worthy either!

And then we put one piece of candy in a bag, along with a slip of paper with passages from the Jesus Storybook Bible to read at night before bed.

This all turned out to take a lot more time than I thought it would in preparation, but I'm excited now that it is done.

Looking forward to these next few weeks.

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