I remember it like it was yesterday, but it almost seems like it was someone else.
Walking slowly down the aisle and that first glimpse of JT waiting there at the end. The giddy smile on his face. Taking his hand. Our first dance to "surfer girl" and running to our car through a web of silly string. Honeymoon surfing adventures in El Salvador. Dreaming of the future, little caring what it held.
So many things in a young life are uncertain.The only certainties we knew were that God loved us, and that He brought us together. 5 years, several jobs, a bigger house and 2 redhaired boys later, life often seems even less certain.
But those 2 certainties are forever.
This past week, JT and I had the opportunity to slip away for a 24 hour period and regroup. We had conversations that were not interrupted by little boy tackles or the shriek of a frustrated toddler, or spilled milk. I thought we might have trouble finding enough to talk about, but was surprised to find that we couldn't seem to stop talking. And that the few moments of silence were delightfully comfortable. The best thing about being married is the incredibly close friendship that develops from living life side by side.
I have always had trouble with small talk and with making new friends. I'm just not sure where to start. I crave intimate and deep relationships that skip past the fluff and people pleasing and delve straight into bloody depths of the heart. I've found the true culmination of this in marriage.
Thanks to Groupon, we stayed in the most adorable bed and breakfast; a restored building from 1895 called Riverview Hotel. While the "riverviews" were somewhat questionable, the scene was more than we could have asked for. Just 5 charming blocks to the beach, and one of our favorite complimentary services was the beach cruisers. Stop for a smoothie at the "Heavenly Cafe", then cruise down to the beach, and ON to the beach to sniff the salt air and enjoy the scenery. Waves were nonexisent, but it was almost better that way. There was too much to do and too little time as it was.
A couples massage at the attached spa which incorporated hot stones (amazing!) with rose petals in the shape of hearts waiting for us on the massage tables...then eating chocolate covered strawberries and soaking in the warm mineral pool. Our room had a balcony that stretched along the side of the hotel, but since it was a random Wednesday in May, there was no one else there. We sipped coffee and ate our delivered-to-our-door grapefruit and bananas in our bathrobes, and talked about the next 5 years. And the next 50.
So many dreams, and so much will change. Perhaps JT will be a firefighter...even a paramedic, at our 10 year anniversary. Or, just as likely, it seems, he may find himself content to fulfill God's will in ocean rescue for the remainder of his career. Aquaman will be 8 years old and fully entrenched in school and sports and friends. The Dude will be finishing up kindergarten and we'll be learning more and more about who he is. We're happy with our boys, and questioning whether our family is complete. But there's still the possibility that 5 years from now will find us with another curly haired McVicker to unleash on the grandparents at our 10th anniversary getaway. There's even the dream of becoming medical foster parents someday.
But most of my dreams are that some of the small things will always stay the same.
That the smell of the ocean will always bring me back to that upside down dizzy feeling of falling in love. That when the salt air splashes my face, I will be back in my convertible, driving down A1A in the dark after a Surftober session with this new and intriguing person, listening to Coldplay "you left the sweetest taste in my mouth...a silver line in the clouds..." And wondering what it is all about.
Little things, but in my dreams we will always brush our teeth together in the shower like we do now, go to bed at the same time, and have so much to talk about that we never go to sleep as early as we'd planned.
I look forward, as they grow, to continuing to share smiles over red heads at the funny things our kids do, and to know the joy that can only come from shared love and everyday life.
I hope we can always laugh, as we did on our trip, about our combined overwhelming lack of short term memory. And that we will always remember that lost keys and forgotten pumps are only opportunities to understand how truly Lost we would be without the help of our Father.
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to have shared these past 5 years with this man who has changed the way I look at everyone else and even the world because I never knew that someone could be so incredibly different from me and everything I have known, and still be so...right.